Gift
by Saint Danielle
Summary: Tootsuki Trinity meet some weird guests. This ends up all types of weird. Yaoi obsession of Nakiri Azami, some disturbing gifts of Santa and Kurokiba just getting it all from Guardian Angel of his. What is there else to say? Merry Christmas, boys!


_Once upon on a time, on a Christmas Eve, in the Polar Star dorm_

 _When all slept in their beds warm,_

 _The trio of young men, although legally boys,_

 _Woke up to some weird unsettling noise._

 _All three of them exchanged looks and shushed at each other,_

 _Not wanting to cause their friends any bother._

 _Just for safety grabbing a bat, a golf club and a small bag of spice,_

 _(Although they still wanted to try resolving things nice)_

 _They all took careful walk downstairs,_

 _Not wanting to alert the intruder, even though Ryou whispered:_

 _"Who the fuck cares?"_

 _And so, all three stood at the entrance to dining hall,_

 _Their eyes growing wide and jaws dropping like a ball._

 _Without much thought, their weapons at ready, all three then attacked._

 _The loud yells of pain!_

 _The begging for mercy!_

 _And so many swears the drunken sailor would blush!_

 _Only then Hayama dared to have asked..._

* * *

"Alright..." Hayama tried to calm down, still looking warily at the three unconscious body on the floor. Seriously, just one time he wanted to spend the proper Christmas and not get any weird things on his literal and metaphorical plates. And now... Well, here he was. "Any idea who these three are?"

The first person looked like a homeless man, his clothes torn and his skin very pale. Hayama would feel bad for blinding him with spices if it were not for the fact that the man wore chains and looked like a ghost mere minutes ago!

Ryou nudged the young man, dressed in all white. He wasn't entirely sure what the whole thing was about. Only that this guy's face rubbed him the wrong way. Well, he took that bat to the head like a champ and wasn't bleeding so... No harm done, right?

"Wow!" Soma exclaimed, drawing his friends' attention to himself. "Guys, look at this!"

"Soma, are you looting the guy you have just knocked out?" Hayama groaned as Soma kept rummaging through the red clad man's bag. "Seriously, what the hell are you doing?"

"Hey, I was looking for his ID or something like that and he didn't have any pockets so I checked the bag and guess what?" Soma showed his entire arm getting lost inside the small fist-sized sack. "This thing is magic!"

"Alright, guys, I got the milk and some more cookies from the kitchen so we can- WHAT THE FREEZE?!" All three guys turned around to see a small man, dressed in ridiculous green and red clothes. "What the hell did you three morons do?!"

The said "morons" briefly exchanged looks before nodding. In the best tradition of old school musicals, they surrounded the small man from three sides before capturing him and tying him up.

The fact that it was Christmas Eve slipped past their minds.

"Alright, little guy," Kurokiba sighed, not wanting to waste any more time than necessary before calling the police and going back to sleep. "What the hell were you and your friends doing in our dorm? Breaking in is not exactly Christmas spirit."

"And bashing someone's skull with a freaking bat is?" The funnily dressed man asked with thick sarcasm. "Do you three even know who you have just knocked out?!"

"I think the old man's name is... Klaus? Huh, is he from Germany?" Soma asked out loud, reading the English words on the ID he finally found in that sack. "And what kind of last name is Santa? This guy's parents must have hated him."

"He IS the Santa, you thick headed idiot!" The small man groaned as he tried to break free. "The other one is the Christmas Spirit of Times and the guy your emo friend bashed in the school is the Christmas Angel!"

All three members of Tootsuki Trinity exchanged looks before fighting very hard not to laugh and wake up their sleeping classmates.

"Yeah, right," Kurokiba snorted before cocking an eyebrow at the midget. "And you are what, a Christmas elf?"

"Yes, I am!" The little man practically growled finally escaping the stupid bindings. Damn it, why did Santa give all elves the abilities like Transmutation and Immortality and yet never found time to give them good physical strength? Or at least sign them up for some fitness? "And now you three are going to fill in for them, seeing how the three main hosts of the holiday are out cold and... is that turmeric in his eyes?"

"Regardless," Hayama interrupted with awkward cough. "Why should we believe that you are actual Christmas spirits and not just some thieves? I mean, is there anything you can present as a proof?"

The elf sighed, trying to remain calm. There was no reason to summon axes and chopping these guys up. Not today at least. Halloween was a fair game though. Then... Oh, he would have so much fun with these three!

"Come here," he whispered before clapping his hands as the boys stepped closer. In the best Dinsey imitation, the small gusts of white dust whirled around all three, enveloping them in bright light before the spark of lights illuminated the entire place. "Now do you believe me?"

Hayama was not impressed.

Well, actually, he was. But not as much as terrified he was. Because, right now, he was looking at his own body lying right on the floor! And trust him on his word, this is not a pleasant thing to see!

"You have killed me!"

"Not entirely," the elf shrugged as if he was talking about eating someone's snack. "I just separated your spirit from your flesh. No big deal."

"It is a big deal! I am a ghost now!"

"Well, duh, I told you I need you to fill in for the Christmas Spirit of the Pasts, right? Of course, you have to be the Ghost!"

"This is just ridiculous, Soma, Ryou, are you guys alri-Pffft! HAHAHAAHAHA!" It was weird to see Hayama laugh his guts out. But that was totally worth it. Because right now he was looking at the most hilarious sight ever.

Ryou, the guy whose appearance always screamed "Danger" and "Power", now looked like a guy who was raised in a Sunday school. His clothes were snow white. The bags under his eyes have completely vanished. His sharp canines were now gone, leaving only pearly white teeth in their place. HIs long dark hair were cut short and combed into neat hairstyle befitting only the gentlest of the gentlest.

"I fucking hate you all!" Ryou growled out, trying to be as intimidating and threatening as he could in his current form. "Damn, why the hell do I look like that?! And what's with this itching on my back?!"

"Oh, you are the Incomplete Christmas Angel." Elf shrugged, messaging someone on his phone. "You need to find someone who is sad and alone on the Christmas Eve and then make them feel better. After that, you get your wings and halo!"

"So what... Do I just buy some champ a puppy or something like that?" Ryou asked, hopeful. The last thing he wanted was dealing with someone's angst and listening to their bitching.

"Ohoho," the elf laughed heartily before his eyes narrowed and face became deadly serious. "No."

"Fuck it."

"And me?" Soma asked, looking over himself. He smirked, knowing that he got the best deal in terms of his new appearance. His body was still in place and he looked pretty much like himself, safe for snow white hair and red coat. If he looked at the mirror, he would also see that his eyes became icy blue. "Santa just needs to deliver the presents, right? That can't be hard."

"Oh you poor little thing." The elf chuckled rather ominously, walking over to Soma with a chair. Standing up on it, he cupped the snowhead's cheeks and looked at him with the most sadistic grin Soma ever saw. "You poor little naive fool."

And then, without another word, he released Soma and headed to the stairs, before shouting out for the guys: "Follow me to the roof, you fools!"

A few minutes later, all four were on the roof staring in awe at three objects on it. One was the red sleigh. Another one was an odd looking door. And finally a giant projector.

"Alright, I get the sleigh, but what is with the rest of the junk?" Kurokiba asked in his angelic voice he got sick of. "And how do I turn this voice off? I hate hearing myself!"

"You can't. Can't have people getting scared by an angel even more than they usually do." People always freaked out nowadays. Eesh, years ago, they would believe in wonders. And now they thought they got drugged or something like that. People... "And the rest are your means of operation. Projector for you, Kurokiba-kun. And the door for you, Hayama-kun."

"And they work how exactly?" Hayama asked, looking at the door. It didn't seem like much. The elf simply motioned for the spice specialist to open it and see for himself. Which is exactly what Hayama did, albeit not without skepticism. After all, what could possibly be behind that door?

Apparently, really a lot.

"Woah!" Hayama gasped in shock, his eyes widening in wonder and awe. In front of him, there was the dark blue of space and countless stars burning bright white and golden. And in this astonishing view, he soon heard voices. But these voices... They were many things. But definitely not something you wanted or expected to hear on the Christmas Eve. Children crying. Women screaming. Men raging. So much anger... So much misery on such beautiful day. "Why...?"

Elf rolled his eyes at that with a sigh, "Not everyone has a proper Christmas Spirit, you know. Fights over presents and holidays is a pretty common thing to do. At such times, people often can forget about important things on Christmas and focus on something else entirely. This is where you come in, Hayama. You ever read about that Scrooge guy or whatever? It's your role to make grumpy guys and gals remember what the holiday is all about!"

"Wait, but aren't I supposed to have another three ghosts to go with me? The Past, the Present and the Future?"

"Oh yeah, that is the thing we never actually mentioned. In reality, all the ghosts are just one ghost that can shapeshift. Mind blown huh?"

"Not really." Hayama shrugged, thinking of changing into the deathly horrifying Ghost of the Future he remembered from some movie. Within a few moments, Hayama was just a black skeleton, black old robes serving as his clothes. Then, with some quick will, he turned into his own self albeit with bright and rich clothing and longer hair. Finally, he gave the Past Form a shot, turning into his child self. "Alright, I think I got a hang of it. But how do I pick whom I help?"

"Simple!" The elf exclaimed with mocking smile and excitement before his face reverted back into his sarcastic snarl. "You don't. You are visiting all these people, kid. At the same time."

"Wait, how do I-"

"Oh, for crying out loud, we are on the clock here! Just go through the damn door and traumatize people into having the Christmas spirit, you dunce!" And with that, the elf pushed Hayama into the door and slammed it shut before breathing a sigh of relief. Sheesh, that kid was one troublesome fella. "Now, onto you, Kurokiba, your job as the Christmas Angel-"

"Which I fucking hate." The angelic voice, or whatever curse was on him, prevented Ryou from actually swearing but it was the thought that counted.

"-is to find someone who is miserable on this fine holiday night! Then you overhear them wish for something and do your damn best twisting this wish to make them realize how actually happy they are! Someone wished to have lots of money? Make him into a hated boss with no friends and life outside of the office! A girl wants to have a dream boyfriend on this day instead of family outing? Make her family neglectful and this boyfriend a jackass! Some poor guy wants to never be born? Oh, it is just a wonderful plot!" The elf finished with an award winning smile.

"How does the projector fit into all of this?" Kurokiba pointed at the giant searchlight on the roof. "Seriously, why is it even here?"

"Oh, you need to carry it around and then flash the light on the person who made the wish. Then the time stops and magic starts, my boy!"

"Wait a goddamn second, are you saying I am going to carry this giant thing around until I find someone miserable and flash him?" The elf chuckled at the word "flash" like an idiot which made Kurokiba growl, internally only. "I am going to break the damn thing!"

"Try it. No, seriously, try it. So many angels before you tried it and failed. You are not the first and definitely not the last." The elf finished with dark chuckle before snapping his fingers. As if per command, Kurokiba disappeared but not before showing the elf what he thought of this whole charade. Hm, what a rude boy. He definitely liked this one. "And now, Yukihira-"

The elf looked back only to see the said redhead gone with both the sleigh and the magic bag of toys.

"This is going to be a very long night..."

* * *

Azami Nakiri was a man content with his life.

Sure, he has obsessed over his high school senpai ever since entering Tootsuki. And, quite possible, he has not been the best father and husband due to his constant pursuit of the True Gourmet World.

But he definitely didn't deserve to suffer such idiocy.

"Hayama Akira, may I ask why you are currently trashing my living room?" The man spoke calmly even though he was fighting to keep this facade. "I hope you do understand that, no matter how frustrated you are about my treatment of Shiomi Seminar, this act can lead to your expulsion."

The student before him only groaned and muttered something about elves. Elves, huh?

...

Azami's eyes widened in surprise and intrigue. So it seems that the Christmas Trio still visited the Polar Star Dorm every once in a while. This... was a good opportunity to spend the Christmas the way he wanted.

Once again, he would be able to relive his past with Saiba-senpai back during the Golden Days!

"Hayama-kun?"

And nothing would stop him.

"Yes?" The teen looked at the man, slightly disturbed by how calm he was in this situation. He didn't even bat an eye when he literally flew through the walls into his living room! And for some reason, it was Hayama who felt the chill run down his spine as the man walked up to him. His gaze unsettling and smile empty and at the same time excited beyond imagination.

"How about we make a deal?"

Hayama wished he was anywhere but here right now.

* * *

Kurokiba wished he was anywhere but here right now.

Or that he could smash the freaking searchlight to bits!

Seriously, these guys had some magic but couldn't make this thing any lighter? His back was killing him. And soon he would kill the girl near him!

"I mean, I know I am not exactly the most honest person but even I deserve to be listened to!" Yup, here he was fucking was. Listening to the girl - what was her name again... Uro- Ure- eh, whatever - tell him about her problems. How hard it was to deal with being popular! How she always had to deal with jealousy and admiration! "You know, you are a very good listener, Kurokiba!"

And the kicker?

This idiot didn't even wish for anything!

"That's no problem," his mouth moved before he could think. Damn elf! Damn Angelic possession! This girl has been complaining about this and that for the last few hours and yet she never ever said things like "I wish I were..." or even "Oh, if only...". No, she just kept piling complaints over each other! He couldn't even tell this girl to get lost! "You know," he tried to smile. And if it were not for his current appearance, it would look more like the psychotic grin. "You could always wish for something to happen..."

"Oh, I don't really believe in wishes."

Fuck his life...

"But..." His hopes were raised. Come on, girl, just wish for something! Anything! This freaking light was going to break him in a two and then he would definitely strangle her! "I guess there is something I want to make a wish for!"

Completely missing the sudden change in tone and the look she gave him, Kurokiba got prepared and turned the light on her. He grinned, ready to make this wish a reality. No matter how impossible or ridiculous it was.

"Yes! Yes, make a wish!"

Soon, he would be fucking free!

"I wish I always had you by my side, Ryou-kun!"

...

As the blinding golden light surrounded them, Kurokiba was too shocked to react properly. This... This bitch said what?!

As the lightshow came to its end, Kurokiba found himself in a very unsettling situation. He was in a mansion. Red Flag number one. He was in a bed. A very big bed. With sheets too soft for his liking and freaking pink and purple in color. Red Flag number two. And then the pictures... Oh God, please no... Be merciful... Be merciful dammit!

"Darling, you are up!" The already familiar voice called from behind him. Her voice cheery and joyful. His mind instantly went- no, raced- into the Fight or Flight mode. Before he could protest or jump out of the window, however, the pair of arms wrapped around his neck before the girl -wrong, the woman- smashed her lips against his. That... was actually pretty hot. No, bad brain! Bad libido! Stay focused! As they finished the kiss, she giggled before stepping back. "Now hurry up! The kids are going to wake up soon! And you know how they can be at the Christmas morning!"

Huh, that was... not that bad.

And the freaking searchlight was gone too!

Wait a minute... It was... gone?

How was he supposed to get back?

"Fuck my life..."

Kurokiba was starting to hate Christmas.

"I hate Christmas..."

* * *

"I LOVE CHRISTMAS!"

Yukihira was laughing all his way through the night sky, wrapped up gifts and sweets raining on the city like in any fairy tale. And it would be great if it were an actual fairy tale. And if this was not happening above the busy streets of Tokyo. As well as such break neck speed.

"My car!" a man screamed as some particularly durable box crashed his window.

"My hair!" a woman yelled, not appreciating pieces of quickly melting chocolate in her long hair.

"Run! Save your children! This is the return of Mad Claus!"

"Remind me again why do we let this idiot think he is controlling the sleigh?" one of the reindeers asked in the reindeer language. "Seriously why? He is compromising us!"

"Ah, let the kid have some fun." anothe one answered, ignoring the debauchery this teen was causing. "These people will eventually blame some major company or government. This is just howpeople work."

"Hmm, point taken."

"Alright!" Yukihira grinned as he checked over the digital list on the mini laptop installed into the sleigh. Man, this thing had everything! It even had this mini fridge with a bunch of snacks! And what do you know? All of them were just his favorite dried squid tentacles! "Time to deliver the rest of the presents!"

Surprisingly, the kid was doing good. Most of the reindeers actually betted on this guy crashing into a building or a plane in the nearest hours. But no, they were still in the air and fine. Something that couldn't be said about the people who were being hit by candies and presents. But, oh well, what kind of holiday is it without some minor collateral damage?

However, one thing they didn't like about Yukihira was how tempted he was to stay in some houses when he was caught and learn a few recipes from the people in there. They were saving Christmas for crying out loud!

"Now then, all I have left is Tootsuki and we're finished! How hard could that be?" All the reindeers internally grinned at the idea. Because if the years of working along numerous people who, occasionally, filled in for Santa, taught them anything, then it is that nobody asks how hard things can be and then walk away. Nobody. Ever. This was going to be fun. "Alright, first we have Takumi and Isami!"

Soma smirked to himself sheepishly. It wouldn't be bad to see what kind of presents the brothers wished for. After all, it's not like it was going to be anything embarrassing, right?

...

I've made a horrible mistake...

Have you ever felt like you have seen something you were never supposed to? Like you have crossed the line and entered the world that would shatter all your worldview?

It has happened to Yukihira Soma twice.

One, when he walked in on his parents moaning and grunting in the middle of the night. His old man said it was some kind of game while mom said it was the special cooking ritual. Well, whatever it was, Yukihira felt like he has seen something he wasn't supposed to.

And the second time was now.

"What am I looking at again?" He whispered to himself, looking at the object in his hands. A giant pillow. It was normal. Pretty tame actually.

If it were not for Yukihira's photo in suggestive pose on it. On both sides, actually. One where he had his uniform on and another... without. Anything. At all.

Seriously, what the fuck?!

"I think I got the wrong present for Takumi..." Yukihira mumbled. Hmm, that wasn't right. It just wasn't. He felt like he has just crossed some invisible line. Walked into the world he could never comprehend! "Well, I guess I should just throw it out and put something else instead."

And with that logic, Yukihira simply stuffed the giant pillow back into the magic bag and pulled out... an Italian cuisine book? Yeah, that would work out nicely. Heh, Yukihira chuckled, wondering where the pillow went.

... completely ignoring Takumi, who shivered in his bed. For some reason, he felt like something very important to him has just been taken away. Something terrible has just happened to his gift... He just knew it.

He just knew it.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Polar Star Dormitory, Erina was soundly sleeping. As if it was an early Christmas gift, her favorite shojo manga series got anime adaptation! And the first half of the season was so successful among the audience that the second season was more than just a possibility.

And now the only thing she needed for her Christmas to be perfect was to have that rare Spanish culinary book she asked from Santa. This was nothing ordinary. This book has been written by none other than Saiba Jouichirou before he disappeared and, apparently, settled down in a small dining shop. There have been only ten of those in the entire world!

And nothing would stop her from getting her hands on it.

As the young Nakiri heiress kept dreaming about her manga and books, the magic sand flew into her room, whirling underneath her bed. The magic bag of Santa would never let people have wrong presents. Unless Santa, or in this case, the one who was filling in his role, considered this an equal exchange.

And, Since Yukihira had no idea who wished for the book, he also had little idea about who was going to get his giant pillow.

To say the least, when the God's Tongue would wake up and look underneath her bed, her reaction would be the sight to behold.

* * *

"Huh, I am not sure why but I feel like Soma is about to cause Nakiri a heart attack..."

"Shhh! This is the best part."

Hayama sighed, feeling his right eye twitch. Out of all possible things this madman could pick, he just had to choose this one? You know, when Hayama was offered to send them both to a specific memory in Nakiri-san's mind, he expected something far more sinister.

Like, some forgotten recipe. Or some blackmail material. Anything crucial that could turn the tides of the small civil war the Polar Star was waging against this man's Central!

But no...

He was stuck in here with this!

"Oh, oh!" Azami looked excited. And if that sight wasn't traumatizing, the man was genuinely sounding like some schoolgirl with a crush! This... was just beyond wrong. "Here comes the best part!"

And so Hayama groaned, watching over the scene for almost one thousandth time.

 _"Oi, Azami, that tastes awesome!"_ The seventeen year old Jouchirou-san grinned from ear to ear, enjoying the cake the younger version of Nakiri-san made for him. The cake looked like the piece of art, its chocolate surface reflecting and at the same time consuming whatever light fell on it. Surprisingly, Azami himself had some chocolate sauce was on his face. _"Damn, where did you get such high quality chocolate?"_

 _"Oh, you know, Saiba-senpai, just called in a few favours!"_ Hayama couldn't help but feel the weird mixture of emotions. On the one hand, he felt genuinely touched by how happy then Nakamura looked at being praised by his senpai. On the other hand, he couldn't help but wonder what happened to make this kind young man into the monster he is today. And finally, he was still very very creeped out by the whole thing.

It was the nice spot under the sakura tree.

Azami, despite having a few smudges of chocolate on his face, was dressed in a very clean and neat suit. His tie undone and top three buttons of his shirt unbuttoned.

Behind the said sakura tree, Hayama managed to spot a small bottle of what he assumed was some wine and a coule of glasses.

Did Hayama mention it was the Valentine's Day?

Yes, let that sink in.

"Alright, can we go to the Present Christmas already?" Hyama groaned, regretting his deal. No, it would be worth it! It would all be worth it! "Seriously, how many times are we going to watch you get cock-blocked by Dojima-san?"

"Fucking Gin..." Azami sweared, completely forgetting about his cold and calm facade. If it were not for Gin that day, he would have Saiba-senpai! They would both rule the Cuisine World together side by side! "Anyways, I am sure I have had my own fun. Time to go back."

"Er, no. I am supposed to make you go to the Present to see how much of a jerk you are and then we go to the Future where you are either sad or dead or alone or all three combined!" Hayama protested. He may have made a deal with the sociopathic chef but he wasn't going to give up on the job he was assigned.

"I know how much of a jerk I am already." Azami smirked as the young man had nothing to say. "And I am fairly sure that I have all means to change my own destiny. After all, even after I have been kicked out and exiled by one of the most influential men in food industry, I still was able to gain both fortune and power."

Hayama opened his mouth, ready to protest.

But he found nothing there to say.

Damn it.

"How about this then, I am going to wake up. Say something about finally understanding the Christmas spirit and then, I don't know, giving a few clubs and research societies a few days of rest as a gesture of good will?" Honestly, even a week wouldn't hurt. The revolution to make the new Gourmet World was not an easy task. Especially with the Elite Ten like his. Seriously, a nervous wreck who failed to take Saiba-senpai's son as a pawn, a girl who let two candidates pass, a midget with complete lack of skills and... Eizan. Why did his Elite have personalities like they were from some manga Azami would never know. "Trust me, this is the best offer you are going to get from me."

"I am not sure..."

"Or we could spend some more time around here."

"Deal!"

Hayama was ashamed to admit but he was gone with it.

Just done.

There was still some hope Ryou and Soma finished their missions.

* * *

"What do you mean I am stuck like this?!"

Kurokiba growled at his "Gurdian Angel". The said angel just smiled awkwardly, swear pouring down his face. "Don't worry, Larry, it is a piece of cake!" "You've got this, Lar!" "A pair of wings and a brand new halo are gonna be yours!" Oh, how easy he fell for their deceitful words and fake smiles. Who said angels are good? Well, angels-in-training certainly weren't!

"W-Well, technically, it is Kawashima-san who made the wish and, since you are part of it, you are not the one capable of altering the reality to make her regret her wish." Now that his wolf-like looks were back, it was hard to not be intimidated. "S-So, yeah,... You are kind of stuck."

Suddenly, it all became calm.

Deathly kind of calm.

"So you are saying..." Kurokiba spoke slowly, making sure that he didn't go off before he got some answers. "that I am stuck here until the end of my life? Stuck in this..." the Mad Dog spread his arms, pointing dramatically at the very pink and purple living room. "Barbie World?!"

"Well, no. I mean, all you need to do is to make Kawashima-san regret her wish and everything goes back to normal! Or as normal as the world where people get orgasms from eating food can be!"

Kurokiba groaned, opting to lie down on almost marshmallow-like sofa, burrying his face into the equally soft pillow. Damn it... Damn it all! Out of the possible things this stupid thing could ask of him was... acting like a prick? Now, Kurokiba was not an idiot.

He knew very well what kind of person he was once he got into a fight. He was unstoppable force of wild nature, ready to tear the whole freaking world to shreds at the drop of a hat.

But to act like an asshole just because he wanted out... That was below low.

"Ooh~" Larry cooed, apparently forgetting about his self-preservation instinct. "Do I sense love in the air? Did that kiss make you see the girl in the new li-AARGH!"

Who said angels couldn't feel pain?

Larry was definitely feeling that kick to his jaw.

"You say one more word. And I will rip your balls off before stuffing them down your throat!" Kurokiba growled before sighing in frustration. The worst part of his problem was that he didn't really see this girl as bad. Now, don't think he liked her! It is just that Kawashima was actually a pretty good person underneath all that flash and jealousy. At least, that's what he could tell you from the entire day he spent with her.

Heck, they even had a kid!

"Daddy!" Kurokiba looed around to see his angerl gone, and with him the Time Stop that came in so conveniently. Next thing he knew he had a girl, barely five six years old, jumping right into his arms with pleading and fearful look in her red eyes. Her black hair was a dichotomy mess, one part wild and unrule and the other neat and finished with a pigtail. "Mom is dolling me up again! Help!"

"Oh well," Kurokiba instantly reverted into his more or less calm self, although there was some warmth to his voice. A sudden rush of memories hit him, making him innerly yelp from all the new information. So many things he had lived through in this life... All coming on him like a train. "I think we can always hide away from her before-"

The temperature in the room dropped a few degrees.

Damn it.

"Don't. Even. Think. About. It." In the doorway stood none other than his - at least, in this world, - wife. Her eyes glowing malevolent shade of red and her grin just on the wrong side of the vicious. And in her hands was an "adorable" abomination of an elf suit. "Now, Ryou-kun, hand Kyouka over and nobody gets hurt."

All his instincts told Kurokiba to run. Surprisingly, even his Fighting Instinct was begging him to run for his life and, for some reason, his maculinity.

Ah, whatever, he was going to be brave!

"If you think I am subjecting her to your torture then you are making a big-"

"I have got you matching outfits!" She exclaimed cheerfully, pulling out the identical outfit, albeit his size. Ryou started sweating bullets.

Oh well, bravery was overrated anyway.

"Sorry, kid, you are on your own here." Kurokiba said nonchalantly before literally throwing his daughter to the wolves. Or rather, to the mother wolf. "I will remember your sacrifice!"

"Daddy, you are an asshole!"

"But I am a manly asshole!"

"Stop using that word in front of my daughter!"

And so Kurokiba lived happily ever after.

* * *

"..."

"..."

"What?" Kurokiba looked at his friends in confusion. Finally, they were home. Safe, sound and other shit like that.

"... You have just skipped a major piece of your story." Akira said with a deadpan expression. Seriously, there were just too many things missing! How did he go back? What about all that unresolved romance between the two? Did he seriously not care about losing the giant fleshlight in another universe? "You can't be that irresponsible!"

"Says the guy who used his powers to feed some sicko's yaoi fantasies!" Kurokiba growled out loud. Seriously, who does that? They were practically raised by Saiba Jouichirou and now Hayama was helping that creep of a headmaster relive some lame attempt at courtship? The mere thought made him sick! "Soma, why are you so quiet about this?!"

"Ah? Oh sorry, I was just thinking..."

"Wow, well that's new."

"Shut up, Kuroki _baka_!" Soma grinned at the Mad Dog's expression but continued without giving him a chance to retort. "You know, usually, we all would come out with some life lessons or wisdom that would make us better people... And I guess we all can say we got one, you know."

"Never mention Jouichirou-san near Nakiri-san?" Seriously, it was some kind fo trigger to the man's obsession!

"Never let the elf get you?" Kurokiba suggested. All this mess could be avoided if they just knocked that midget as well.

"Nah, guys." Soma waved them off before smiling. "Christmas is not about whether you succeeded or not. Whether your trip was good or bad. Sometimes it is all about screwing up together and well! I mean, seriously, Akira made the Christmas good for nobody but Erina's dad, who has very unhealthy and disturbing obsession with my old man, and Kurokiba ended up in a parallel world with Kawashima-san as his wife and a daughter! We all screwed up! And di this fantastically!"

After a few seconds of silence, Soma gave them both a sheepish mocking grin.

"Well, except for me, I totally nailed my mission!"

"Alright, that's it! Hold him down Hayama!"

"Don't order me around!"

"Shut up and do as I command you, _Aho_ yama!"

"Haha, burn!"

"SOMA!"

* * *

 **So yeah, guys just a silly one-shot without too much thought behind.  
**

 **I am apologizing to all of you who have been waiting for an update of all my stories. Some... stuff happened and I didn't have time nor energy to return to writing. For a while, I thought that I wouldn't be able to get back to it again.  
**

 **But thn I found someone on this site who inspired me. A lot.**

 **So I guess what I am trying to say is that it is my parting gift. Not to you but to myself. (Selfish, right?) this is the parting gift to my old self as a writer. Starting this year, I am going to start working more seriously on my stories. Some of them are going to be reworked.  
**

 **Damn, I am not really good with Author Notes where I express my feelings so I hope this doesn't come across as either forced or cheesy. Anyways, I really hope I will improve myself as a writer and make myself worth all of your attention, guys.**

 **Shokugeki no Soma section is not that big. But it is this section that made me really write more and think more than I did before. It was this section where I wrote so much and read so much as well.**

 **You guys are the best. Keep that always in mind and celebrate!**

 **Merry Jolly Christmas, everybody!**

 **Veselovo Rozhdestva!**


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